Familiar Territory, Unfamiliar Feeling

There I was, standing at the familiar spot where I made good memories during the summer. A familiar place, except that the feeling was totally different.

I went to Garden Grove with my parents to visit someone, except that I drove there with a different car. On the way home I decided to stop by at a specific park. It's past the park's curfew so the lights were off, but I decided to get down anyway just to walk around. It was... weird. I'm not sad, yet I wasn't happy. It's just... a blank emotion? But one thing for sure is that it wasn't the usual feeling like before.

It's weird enough that I go to Garden Grove. I don't know what made me go there other than visiting a family's acquaintance. The visit was brief and I'm going off-topic... Anyway... So where were we? Oh yeah... Something about blank emotion. I admit I'm an emotional guy and sometimes can be seen as depressing, but emotions define me and even though I'd like to think myself as a person who can hide their emotions well... Well... I don't.

As usual... I like to overanalyze (overfeel?) things. And the drive home was like how I usually do when she was here. All alone, blasting some dubstep so I don't fall asleep (My energy drinks didn't work), and texting her. Yeah... The last part was definitely not there. So I guess that's what made it weird. It's been what? Almost a month since she left? Felt like forever though. Visiting Garden Grove just made it even harder for me to realize that she's really not here anymore.

Wonder if she feels the same way...

Beyond the Sound

I'm a musically inclined person. I love to play music, I hear music, I record music, pssh... I practically breathe music. I'm able to play different music instruments and actually play it well. Of course... That was the past. People call this a blessing; a gift. Me? I don't know what to call it. I used to love this life. The life to just be able to spend the day with just music alone, but I've lost the passion that I had back then. Ever since I finished with high school, it was completely gone. I could already feel it slowly disappearing during high school actually and I blame myself for this... I simply can't fulfill the expectations that people has on me. Especially on recordings... It became so exhausting that I slowly developed a hatred for music.

Which... Bring me to this situation... This feeling of hatred towards music. I play it and I do recordings, but deep down I wish I never learned any music instruments at all. It became such a burden. People see music as something to escape the world from, while I see music as something that I'd like to escape from. Behind all that beautiful sound is a world that is not as enjoyable as everyone might think. The time that you put for it and the effort. Sure... It has its rewards in the end; a sense of accomplishment as one might say. But it never ends for me... A finished project means a new project is waiting for me. I don't have a sense of accomplishment cause I don't feel like I do it whole-heartedly.

I don't mean to be a jerk to say that I can play music well and I hate it, but that's the truth. I would trade my musical talents to go back to the past. Cause I've missed out on so much because of music. People don't understand this way of thinking, neither do I expect them to.

I know I have to stop hating on music. This universal language. This thing that can connect us to other people with no explanations. So... I guess I'm attempting to give music a second chance. To actually embrace it and to actually like it, and not have to do it cause I'm forced. It's not easy... Believe it or not, to actually like music. Only time can tell, whether I'm able to accept music or simply hate it just like what I've been doing.

A Star Among Stars

So it begins, the endless recording sessions... After finishing the recording session of the day I went home, but I decided to stop by at a park. Just to relax and maybe to think. I was pretty surprised that the stars are out there, maybe not as much as it would be like in the mountains, but it was definitely a sight to see, especially being in a crowded city. Funny how I get so mesmerized by one star and the whole time I'm only looking at this one star. Personally, I don't think it's any different than the countless stars surrounding it, but somehow it caught my attention. And this experience of the night got me thinking... Just like what I was hoping for.


What if that star is a person? A person who seems the same like everybody else, but to you there's something different about them. No one probably even notices it, but somehow this one person is the one your eyes are fixed on. The one that stands out among others. The one that you just simply can't miss out on. And like that star I'm looking at... This person seems so far away, no matter how close you think you are. But in the end you just can't stop looking, cause the moment you take your eyes off them, you probably won't be able to find them again.


It's as if I'm stuck where I am, while that person is slowly going away, and no matter how hard I chase them I seem to always fall short. (Wow... My iTunes just played Her World Goes On by Bruno Mars). So *cough cough* as I was saying... I enjoy watching the stars cause it reminds me of where I am. I'm simply human and sometimes no matter how hard we try, sometimes it's just not meant to be. This blog is not in anyway expressing my sadness, actually it's the opposite. I feel thankful that I actually found a star that I can fix my eyes upon. Something for me to chase... Something for me to long for... Something for me to wish for... And last but not least, something to live for.

Summer Memories

So... As I said countless times before, this summer is the best summer I've ever had. So I decide to make a song about it (someone). This 'it' has definitely made an impact in my life this summer. So this song is dedicated to this 'it':


Verse 1:
Here it goes again another goodbye
Another waiting game for who knows how long?
Living out the days in uncertainties
Wishing that the days would go by fast


Pre-Chorus:
So for now I'll take the summer memories that we made
The memories that I've been wishing for
And if you asked if this is all worth it
I'll say yes a thousand times it's true


Chorus:
Can't you see?
I'll wait forever and a day
I'll fly to where you are if you want me
If you need me
I can be your somebody to hold
If you doubt
If I'll be able to hold on
It's been too long for me to give up now
This is my vow
I'll wait as long as you want me to


Verse 2:
Oh, the sleepless nights I'm going to deal with
Wondering where you are and what you're doing
Cause usually you'll be standing right next to me
But now you're back across the ocean


Link is here if you want to hear it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oe909lns36U